BACK FROM ITALY

The newsletter comes out tomorrow. Watch this space for more updates.

TODAY DUMENZA

Good night's sleep. Leg feels better. We head for Dumenza today. Celestina wants us to be at her house at 4:30 for something to eat. Don't know if I'll have internet up there. If not, I won't be able to post until Tuesday night when I'm back in Milan.

GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE

The doctor left a half-hour ago. The good news is that my aching leg isn't phlebitis. (So no shades of Richard Nixon here.) . But the doctor (who spoke perfect English and who still makes house calls) said that I may have arthritis or I could have just screwed up my kneecap from yesterday’s sitting, standing and walking. He prescribed three drugs for me and said I need to use a crutch for the next few days. He charged 150 euros for his services. Justine had to take a cab to the pharmacy where she rented me a pair of crutches – 8 euros for the month.

This isn’t the first time I’d had a medical intervention in Milan. When we were here in 1974 for our honeymoon. I got off the train from Venice not feeling very well. By the time I got to the pensione I was sweating and had the shakes.

I laid in bed. The owner of the hotel called a doctor. No one spoke English and we didn't know any Italian. The doctor took a look at me, then turned to Justine and said “Malaria?” It wasn't but I was still laid up for a week.

But that was then. This is a whole new ballgame and I feel like I've been placed on the DL.

3:46 pm NEL MEZZO DI NIENTE

We’re here at the Una Hotel – which is, if my Italian is right, “Nel mezzo di niente.” In the middle of nothing.

It’s about 25 minute north of Malpensa Airport, which is another half hour away from Milan. I don’t know where the heck we are but we’re here waiting to meet our interpreter and Associate Producer Letzia Rubino who flies in from Philadelphia tomorrow morning at 6:30 am. She’ll be met by our other crewmembers Claudio and Fabio. They’ll join us here and we’ll all drive north toward Dumenza.

That is if I don’t need my leg amputated. It’s killing me. We were supposed to see Da Vinci’s Last Supper at 4:30 but we’re too late to go and I don’t think I want to do that much walking. On the other hand, maybe Jesus could cure it.

A COMPLAINT

I want to officially register a complaint with US air carriers.

Here we are on a 50-minute hop from Frankfurt to Milan and we were just served lunch. And it was good. Cheese bread. Salad with fresh ingredients. Some white chocolate mousse thing (also good). Two pieces of German chocolate. All served in real bowls and plates. With real silverware – not the idiotic US custom of plastic – or worse: real fork, real spoon, and plastic knife.

And the flight attendants are young, pretty and friendly frauleins. In the US if we were taking a 50-minute hop somewhere we’d get some frumpy grousing matron tossing bags of tiny salted nuts at us.

12:50 On the Next Plane

Finally. We’ll be in Milan at 2:00 pm. We got through to the hotel to tell them we’re going to be late. (I shouldn’t have been so quick to blame the Italians. Justine was dialing wrong.)

Before we left, I took the other half of the vicodin

12:19 pm Still Not There

We’re sitting at Gate A13 in Frankfurt. Unlucky number. The plane to Milan is delayed.

On top of that, I must have done something to my left leg yesterday as I sat in the Continental Lounge during the 9-hour delay because I’m in excruciating pain when I move it or walk.

I took half a vicodin. It cost $4.50 for a bottle of water to wash it down.

Justine’s is trying to get in touch with the hotel because they’re supposed to pick us up at the airport. Her phone was dead. Luckily we had the charger. Now every time she calls the hotel, she gets a message that says, “The person you are trying to reach is unavailable.”

Italians.

I just did a spell check before I posted this. It accidentally changed “vicodin” to “violin.” I thought it was a funny visual me taking half a violin for my leg. At least it seemed funny. Maybe it’s the vicodin talking.

Das Plane

We did get on Lufthansa Flight 1457 to Frankfurt and it did take off on time at 2:45 pm. We had dinner (with about a half bottle of wine), a decent sleep on seats that recline 90% of horizontal, and a hot breakfast.

According to the TV monitor here in the business class cabin, we ‘re over the North Sea.
Our Verbleibende Flug-km is 455 km
Our Verbleibende Flugzeit is: 50
And our Uhrzeit am Zeilort is 10:00 am

I think it’s around 1:00 am LA time now.

There was a baby sitting across the aisle from us who didn’t cry once. Things are looking up.

Forget what I said. She just started crying.

No, she stopped. Life is good.

Achtung!

We dragged our luggage at least a half-mile to the Bradley Terminal and checked in at Lufthansa. There went another $15 to tip the guy who took our luggage from the check- in counter to x-ray. On top of that we had to pay $127 for the 5th piece of baggage we checked. (Continental allowed us 5 -- 6 if we wanted it) Lufthansa only allows us 4.

But no matter, we're in the Star Alliance Lounge now relaxing for the next two hours until we board our flight to Frankfurt. Are we eating bratwurst and schnitzel, you ask?

Actually, no. The lounge is full of Asian businessmen who are probably not flying to Germany or Italy. I think we're the only Westerners in here. And the food reflects those demographics. Right now I'm sitting here listening to the guy behind me sipping his Ramen noodles very loudly. At least it's better than hearing some obnoxious Californian pinhead loudly talking business on their cell phone.

I'm going to get more fried rice.

Are We There Yet?

Still in the Continental lounge. Justine's on the phone with Lufthansa. They say we can check in at 11 am. So that means we can have a 4-hour sit down in their lounge.

If I have to keep listening to people in this lounge making their too loud phone calls and talking about American Idol and soccer camp, I'm going to shoot myself.

Update

I just spilled coffee on my pants. Shoulda had the vodka.

THERE WAS NO REASON TO GET UP AT 3:45 AM

Here's the deal.

We fly Lufthansa at 2:45 pm. So we have to retrieve our 5 bags (lights, golf case, small doghouse) drag them half-way across LAX from where we are in the Continental Terminal to Bradley International Terminal. Check in again. Go through security again. (At least we'll know where our luggage will be.)

We fly to Frankfurt, change planes and land in Milan at 1:35 pm Friday -- hopefully, we'll have time to check into hotel (which is near the airport) take the train to downtown Milan and use the tickets we bought to see Da Vinci's Last Supper at 4:30. I 'd hate to keep Jesus waiting.

STILL AT THE AIRPORT

The continuing saga of the Dumenza trip...

It's 7:05 and the news is in. The engine leak needs to be fixed. The plane's not going to be ready until 10 am so we'll have to change to United and hub through Frankfurt.

Do you think with the way things have been going today that our luggage will make that transfer?

At the Airport

Getting up at 3:45 wasn't bad enough but when the car came at 4:30, it was a regular Town Car and not an SUV. OK, I'm not that picky and normally I wouldn't care but when you're traveling with a 70 lb case with containing lights, a golf case that has a tripod in extension cords in it instead of golf clubs, an accessory case the size of a small doghouse, a camera bag, two suitcases and three carry-ons, it's tough to fit all that into the trunk -- even if it is a Lincoln.

We called the limo company and I told them that they screwed up for the last time and that even though we had been customers for 16 years, we're never using them again. Anyone whoknows me know that I can lose my temper easily but I am more or less forgiving. I didn't quit on them after the times when they sent a car to my son's house instead of mine and their driver took me to the wrong airport -- but this was it.

Our driver, Peter, a guy from the Czech Republic, was really helpful and busted his butt geting all our stuff into the car. He left Czechoslovakia in 1985 when it was still Communist. On the way to LAX, we talked about living during those times and he had an interesting comment. He said there are some things in America that remind him of a living under a communist regime.

Once we got to the airport and stood in the god-awful security line, I began to think that he was right. America is becoming a third world country where nothing works and there's no consistency. For example, Continental now has security lines for the Casual Traveler and the Expert Traveler. When did that happen? What does that mean?

We got into the Expert Traveler line but got stuck behind a guy who had to send his stuff through the x-ray twice because he had a can of shaving cream in his luggage. Security risk I asume.

Speaking of luggage, I hope ours will arrive in Milan with us. Our skycap was extremely helpful at curbside. He wanted to know what was in the cases. I said film equipment and that we were shooting a documentary in Italy. He asked if I could help his nephew from Bombay who is trying to find work in TV here. What could I say? The fate of my luggage was in this guy's hands. I gave him my Tonight Show card. The guy says that his nephew loves Jay Leno. We parted with him telling me to expect a call.

I'm sitting in the first class lounge enjoying a stale english muffin and coffee. Justine's bugging me to go to the gate. It's 6:20 and time to board the plane.

Well, they just made an announcement that our flight's delayed because they found a leak in the number two engine.

We have a two hour layover in Newark before catching the flight to Milan. Justine just told me that they won't know anything until 7 o'clock and that it would take two to four hours to fix the engine. We have to try to make other plans. She's talking to the Continental attendant here in the lounge.

Luckily there's a bar here. Is 6:40 am too early for Vodka?

Here comes Justine. Time for an update.

OK, we may have to move to United for a 2:40 PM flight and hub through Frankfurt. We can't wait for them to repair the engine because we'll miss our connection. We'll know more at 7:00 am.

6:40 is definitely not too early for vodka.